lately, i've been drafting all of my posts because i didn't have any confidence to share my story. i remember once that i'd never attempted to be a blogger or anything in social media. first time i started to blogging was around Junior High. it was the time when Computer was everything. including having my first Friendster and Myspace. yeah, we all 90's Born were aware of that amazing sites. when i was searching something about homework thingy, the first site options that Google gave was Wikipedia. therefore, it began to be my e-Library, cause i thought that Wikipedia knows everything, even the things i never knew back there. i thought that it's a gift from God for all Human so people can find their unspeakable answers (sadly speaking, my brain's been too mature in Junior High).
but after a few months using Wikipedia, i realized that there's something wrong about the "Milky Way" that i read. it was different, not the same like my Encyclopedia at home. so, i searched about Wikipedia's behind the history and finally found that it was a site made by us, Human. they posted something that they thought the knew, and if there's a failure or anything another user could change it. i got my heart really broken, and couldn't stop wonder " what if everything i read was wrong?"
i denied it and tried to read from another references. since then, i had this mini hobby to read anything, even just a piece of paper.
one day, it was an accidental click i remember it so much. i was reading some Doujinshi (a Fan-Made comic/manga from Japan) and then a new tab opened. it was a link to the Owner Doujinshi. i was curious about her blablablablabla.blogspot.com (i'm so sorry i don't remember her blog :(:( ). i didn't think twice and just deleting her name and entered the site. it was taken to the Blogspot[dot]com. and after that i made my own name and blog and started to post so many things i knew and hope that people will enjoy my blog like i enjoy others.
it was me, so small. knowing no grammar. i knew if it's just past, present, perfect tenses. but the soft heart of mine was ripped when one day, an anonymous commenting my post, said that i have a bad grammar, and i shud f*ucked myself up. i'm just a small kid with innocent heaaart y'knooow??? :( and i deactivated my account and left my beloved blog.
it's like a knife piercing deep inside my wound and wounded another wound. maybe that's the reason i don't have any confidence anymore. up till now, if i wanna share something, i may stop in the middle and left it. just left it there, inside the 'posts' section.
anyway, i just love me sharing anything i love. it doesn't matter tho how flat and empty this blog, but deep down inside it has so many things that i wanna tell, i wanna overcome and share. too bad, even the darkness part of me still dominated my soul.
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