there's a day. i woke up aching.
remembering every bitter events that happened for the past 11 months. it was the saddest moment of my life, and i felt like i don't wanna wake up anymore. there're no reason for me to believe, to achieve, to be motivated for anything in this fragile life. i was denying many things before, which are time bombs for me. i want to be completed. i had this crooked hole in my chest, so deep, so ulcerate, so easily to be crushed, but i didn't know what's missing. is it a soul to be lived? is it a love to be loved? is it a paradise on earth which i never get? or is it a presence of someone to fill me whole again? i didn't know. one thing i knew was i don't wanna live. i would love to if i could just die and wonder all day if there would be anyone that could grant me for.
i wish i could die. for this longing of something is making me lonely.
and loneliness is a silent killer.
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