yes, i am fighting my hardest everyday!
hello, it's me. ~Adele's voice
it's 2016 and another things must be listed and organized well. or i might f*cked up like last year without any primary plans and i got really really lost all the time. and by the end of the day, i realized that i only had a single loop of life. wake up - work - eat - work - sleep - and again wake up etc. ain't it such a boring life without any achievement, yes?
it was a dilemma back then. instead of changed my perspective, i let my own vision (that moment) flowed as it is. never really had a plan to look forward. never had any intention to change or had an alternative choice. i was thinking that life is a road that God made for us since we're born. life is fair, what you do you'll get it back. just do what's necessarily common thing like normal people. so, i was following the flow. even i didn't know was it a good or bad flow.
in the end of the year, i realized that i achieve nothing for the last 365 days. it really is none. i know i was having my graduation on time, my job was perfectly fine, and i was happy. but, i felt so empty inside, without any evolution within my soul. i want to be upgraded, like be wiser, kinder, more honest. things like that. i've been ignoring that aspects. and if i could recalled again, i felt like this heart of mine was half-empty.
i'm a human. i'm not flawless, nor sinless. i'm not a good person, not a bad person either. but i always want to be better in making decision in life. i don't wanna do mistake. i hate to be wronged. but i'm still human, imperfect but wanna be a perfect person for my family and friends. no matter how much things hits me and drags me down, i always wanna be the kind of person that anyone could rely on.
"oh, you just wanna be a hero of such huh?"
no, i'm not.
i do realize that nowadays, not many people do consider about others. if you got yourself asked about someone's problems, some of them can rudely said that we are just curious, or hunger of gossips. some people can't even show their weaknesses to other people cause many of them will say we're just too sensitive, too much drama. is it wrong if someone want to be more honest to oneself?
i don't collect gossip to be framed on my daily wall of life. i know how it feel to be unbearably hold my problems only with myself with no one to share. i've known this for ages. and the dark sides has once took me to its deepest part, making me anxious, feeling unneeded, and hopeless. and i knew it was hurt.
people said that i'm a metropolis girl with so many friends who loves to going outside to a popular places with popular community.
well, i'm not.
as fragile as it may seems, i am super fragile. a lil bit sociophobic. i love having just couples of bestfriends to hangout and i'm not good with new-crowd. but i want to changed. improving myself with many things could challenge me in some ways. i'm thinking of making a Journal tho. it may late but it's better than never! 366 days of me and my Adventure Time!
- enjoy every second of my seconds
- positive thinking more and more
- start something new aside of my daily activity and job
- be more honest
- be a reliable person
gonna be update soon
Dxoxo
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