Sparkle me with happiness, and i'll show you fierce.

it's been a while since i write in my lovely blog. and yes, this time, like every year, every friggin year i delete unimportant data and archived some semi or more important data. it's a ritual for me for listing my last year activity, rejoice it, see things and delete it if its not important or too many mellow-dramatic feelings in it. and once again, i would like to say this even tho it has been D-14 in 2015.

Happy New Year 2015!

another good year, fckin good year and another story to be told. i had my 2014 with so many lessons and experiences. yes, i am more mature now, wiser as i see myself through the mirror and how i see things more clearly. too bad, my habit of being cowardly-unable-to-refuse-or-reject-people is still cowering and sleeping just like a baby, stay as it wasn't give a damn thing about me. just as if it will never gone, never let me be a "No" person. too bad, dear Bad Habit, i still have so many days to try to conquer myself so you will be gone from deep inside my soul!

sometimes i don't believe in resolutions. it's just like another drunken-words, only like a simple habit that everyone do when we reach another new year, plus the effects of alcohol and weed while waiting for 12 o'clock :P.

i am more like to say it as a Commitment. even the word "commitment" itself could frighten me in an instant.

i commit myself for believe that anything is possible. i knew deep down there are things inevitable, unable to changed or no matter how hard i try it will always lead to the same answer. but then i think again, how about i change my point of view and try to gain something different but have the same feelings in it. i am sure it will brings happiness too, maybe much better.

i commit myself for start each day with goals. for the last 20 years, i've been living my life only following the flow. without any single goal or any changed within me. i was like woke up-campus-back home-sleep-woke up again-etc or when i was having a free time i only waited in my house. barely even touched my phone for call or text anybody. since last year, i've increased my time with hobbies and activities, back to my football routine, getting busy with family and chores. and this year will be like another step on the stepping stone for a productive life.

i commit myself for eat more real food. fast foods, junk foods, and instant foods are always taste heavenly. the amount of salts and preservatives are able too make seasoning smells good and great. but it was bad for body and will give bad side effects. Diabetic, Hypertension, Cardiac syndrome and many diseases come from bad food. it is the best time for me, as i am on a way to be a Young Adult, to change my daily food and drink and start with organic stuffs. if there's no organic food, at least eat more vegetables, fruits, less sugar and less salt. home-made cooking is a good idea for daily meal. many stores and restaurants are having veggie food and cold-pressed juice too.

i commit myself for from today onward let kindness rule me. i was born in July 14, which means that i was born as Cancerian. Cancerian had that trait as an over-moody-uncontrollable bitch, kind of bipolar person if you realize. sometime i feel so happy and saint like nobody could ever tear me down, but it could change just in a blink of an eye become the quite, demon-liked persona. yes, it rule over me and so hard to maintain. someone told me that being a Cancerian will never easy. over sensitive and craving attention. at this is bad. so, to overcome those bad traits, she told me to let the kindness rule you over just after i wake up. think about so many happiness can come in positive minds. never underestimate the power of suggesting. always smile in every condition, never let other people know when you are in your lowest state of mind. keep calm and let the inner consciousness produce much more good persona. take a deep breath, inhale and exhale with pace and start your day with good passion.

i commit myself to be more thankful. God made me born in this world for a reason. no matter how hard the situations are, and how unpredictable God's way for us, it will be happy in the end. no one ever said that life is easy, or said that it could be this hard to endure. every downfall, every mistake was happened to make us a better person. i had my bad days and today i've become wiser and happier. God showed me those bad people in ordered to led me to good people. i made a lot of mistake and it was inevitable in ordered to be wiser and clear-thinker. yes, the "me" now is so much better. i sure some people, my friends and family, realize this. and the power to be thankful will always make me at ease every time things get hard. i know, Allah will never let me down, if i always remember to be thankful to God.

i commit myself for being honest with myself. this is the hardest thing i will start in 2015. faking smile is easy one, but for lying to oneself is......... i don't have the proper word. anyway, let me try to be honest first and see things later.

i commit myself to try my best. so many hard decisions to be chose. insha Allah, i'm gonna start my co-ass as a pre-doctor this year. and so many exams have to be done this year. from OSCE and Co-Ass OSCE and more to go. i believe God have been making my education way too smooth. and i am afraid for not being able ready for it. i know, the best is yet to come. so first, let me believe and try my best. Bismillahi rahman rahim. 





D,xoxo